The Haunted Generation

(This feature first published in Fortean Times No 433, dated July 2023)

TOME SWEET TOME

The Dreamweaver is back. In TerrorTome, his first major work since the late 1980s, British horror legend Garth Marenghi has produced a work of characteristically distressing fiction. With the novel now available in paperback, Bob Fischer attempts an in-depth interview. But soon finds himself rather out of his depth…

In the world of horror fiction, there are few bigger names than Garth Marenghi. It’s got four syllables for a start. Stephen King? James Herbert? Clive Barker? Three syllables apiece. Poor Dean Koontz has only got two. But Garth Marenghi trumps them all. And in TerrorTome, his first major work of fiction in over 30 years, he is equally victorious in the horror stakes. An anthology split into three connected sections, it follows the nerve-shredding (and frequently stomach-churning) trials of dashing supernatural fiction novelist Nick Steen, and the fragmented realities (and “Army of Boners” skeletal warriors) that arise from his unbridled sexual congress with a possessed typewriter.

Marenghi’s career has been chequered. In 2004, Channel 4 screened six episodes of his banned 1980s series Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, with Marenghi himself assuming the role of Dr Rick Dagless MD, a Vietnam veteran combating the forces of supernatural darkness in a Romford hospital. His last-known TV appearance, in 2006, was as a guest on his own publisher’s short-lived TV chat show, Man to Man with Dean Learner. Since then? Nothing. So TerrorTome’s success as a Sunday Times bestseller, and Marenghi’s subsequent string of sold-out live readings at venues across the UK, have arguably constituted the most unlikely literary comeback since Harper Lee. Who also only had three syllables in her name.

I was aware of Marenghi’s reputation as a prickly interviewee. Instructed to call him at exactly 2.37pm on a Wednesday, my nerves got the better of me. Prevaricating wildly, I made a cup of Maxwell House to bolster myself. And, as a result, inadvertently dialled his number a minute late, at 2.38pm. At 2.39pm, I was still waiting for Marenghi to answer, and began to wonder if I had missed this vital window of opportunity. But then, following a crackle of sinister static, a familiar (if decidedly ill-tempered) voice emerged from the ether. What follows is a direct transcript of the phone conversation I enjoyed with Garth Marenghi. Well, I say “enjoyed”…

Bob: How have the live appearances been going? Would you care to detail a good experience and a bad experience from life on the road?

Garth: Which question do you want me to answer first? You’ve asked two.

Bob: The first?

Garth: They’ve been going brilliantly.

Bob: And the second?

Garth: Which itself is formed of two parts, and is technically a question asking whether I care to answer it at all, which I don’t. The whole thing should be rephrased.

Bob: OK, please detail a good experience and bad experience from life on the road.

Garth: Better. The good experience? My rider was generally observed. The bad experience? My rider was generally observed except for one particular venue, which we’ve now axed from future tours.

Bob: You seem to have been working on TerrorTome since the late 1980s. What took you so long? In the book’s preface, you allude to “extraneous details” – what were they?

Garth: Again, two questions. I will answer your first. It took me so long because I was inconvenienced by editors. Next question.

Bob: The hero of TerrorTome is Nick Steen. He’s a writer of horror fiction with a loathing of the publishing industry. Did you put much of yourself into Nick’s character, or is he entirely fictitious?

Garth: Not entirely fictitious, no. As a writer of heroic fiction – your words, Bob – I know it’s important to imbue my characters with my own heroic qualities. Yet it’s important to keep something back in order to have enough in the creative bank for my next heroic character. So in TerrorTome, Nick Steen is six foot one. I’m six foot two.

Bob: Part One of TerrorTome is subtitled ‘Type-Face’ and it begins with…

Garth: (Interrupting) That’s Tome One, and it’s ‘Type-Face, Dark Lord of the Prolix’.

Bob: (Sighs) OK… Tome One of TerrorTome, ‘Type-Face, Dark Lord of the Prolix’, begins with Nick enjoying a torrid affair with a supernatural typewriter. Have you ever experienced romantic – or even physical – feelings for an inanimate object?

Garth: Many. My numerous cars, several pens, my typewriters, obviously. Leather sofas, a Mr Frosty slush maker Pam gave me when we were courting, fingerless gloves, chapsticks, industrial bubblewrap. I could go on.

Bob: That’s probably enough. ‘Type-Face, Dark Lord of the Prolix’ also features an older writer of supernatural fiction called Algernon Tench, who reminded me a little of MR James or even Arthur Machen. Was this intentional? How do you feel about this gentler school of early 20th century horror?

Garth: Well, Bob “Two Questions” Fischer, it was indeed intentional and partly an apology for my own early indiscretions as a youthful horror writer, fresh off the block and hungry for success. I can distinctly recall, when my first book was published, tipping an entire shelf of Dennis Wheatley novels onto the floor of my local WHSmiths. Even though I was chastised for that act, which I blamed entirely on Pam’s pregnancy in order to avoid paying for damages, the whole batch was soiled and ended up in an outside bargain bin. In many ways, TerrorTome is my half-arsed apology for that.

Bob: Tome Two, ‘Bride of Bone’, is based heavily around a medical condition called avascular necrosis. It’s essentially a loss of blood supply to the bones, and it’s a condition that – left untreated – can result in the bone structure collapsing completely. You seem to know a lot about this condition. Do you know someone who has actually suffered from it? Or is that knowledge simply down to good research?

Garth: Both. My wife Pam suffered from it badly in her twenties, though I’d never tell that to anybody as she swore me to secrecy. But as part of the recovery programme, we ordered in numerous pamphlets and obscure medical texts which, when her toe eventually dropped off regardless, were rendered useless. Or so I thought…

Bob: Medical professionals occur frequently in your stories. Including, of course, the famous Dr Rick Dagless MD. Before you became the Dreamweaver, did you ever consider a career in medicine?

Garth: No, although I did consider joining Special Branch, which is much the same thing nowadays. I guess in life all of us meet a lot of doctors. I think if you counted up how many doctors feature in my books, and compared it to how many doctors one meets in one’s life, the two would pretty much be the same. Or vastly different.

Bob: There’s also a cameo for a skeletal Rick Wakeman in this story, still playing his iconic Moog synthesizer…

Garth: (Laughs) Ha ha… good old Rick…

Bob: I’m assuming you’re a fan of his work?

Garth: No.

Bob: Are you a friend of his?

Garth: Not any more.

Bob: Is he aware of his appearance in the book?

Garth: Overly aware. Let’s say that.

Bob: I wondered whether Bruford the Psychic Dugong, also featured in Tome Two, was named after Rick’s one-time Yes bandmate, Bill Bruford.

Garth: Absolutely not. In any way.

Bob: Tome Three, ‘The Dark Fractions’ features multiple, split-personality versions of Nick Steen. Can you give examples of the multiple personalities that Garth Marenghi might have?

Garth: Can, but won’t.

Bob: Oh, come on. Who would be the darkest of Garth’s dark fractions?

Garth: Carry on like that and you’ll find out.

Bob: OK, I’m sorry. (A long and awkward pause follows, and Marenghi can be heard breathing heavily) Moving on, then… it’s subtle, but there are elements of the book that could be seen as a satire on your own difficulties with both editors and publishers. Is that fair? Or am I reading too much into it?

Garth: You’re not reading enough into it. The message is explicit throughout TerrorTome. My editors and publishers were wrong throughout. As I told them on numerous occasions, you can threaten me, intimidate me all you like, but you’ll sew up neither my mouth nor my mind. My unexpurgated “horrotica” section is there for all to see, despite numerous attempts to excise it, along with various “censored” scenes of extreme body horror, preserved for all time at the back of the book in what was, until the eleventh hour, an adults-only “sealed” section.

Bob: Are you working on your next book already, or is it likely to take you another thirty years?

Garth: I was working on it, Bob, until you interrupted me with these endless questions. It is called Incarcerat and it will be out at Hallowe’en. Meanwhile, the TerrorTome paperback is out now. Put that in your pipe and print it.

Bob: I will.

Garth: The interview’s over, Bob.

Bob: I know.

(Phone clicks)

Garth Marenghi’s TerrorTome is out now in paperback from Hodder & Stoughton. Heartfelt thanks to Matthew Holness, another writer with four syllables in his name. Could this be significant? It’s probably best not to ask.

Why not take out a subscription to the Fortean Times? “The World’s Weirdest News” is available here…

https://subscribe.forteantimes.com/

Support the Haunted Generation website with a Ko-fi donation… thanks!

https://ko-fi.com/hauntedgen